Striving for something has always been a weird thing for me. When I look back at everything I have accomplished in my early adulthood, there is a good bit to be proud of. I moved out of my parents house at 18 and managed to stay on my feet and not have to move back in at any point, I made a new life in a totally new state and started from scratch basically, I made it through college on time and received my degree, and I had a job right out of college using said degree. Albeit a job I ended up hating about after…..a week, but I still worked my butt off and made sure I had one. And when that one didn’t work out, I had another lined up to try. And when that one folded and I found myself unemployed, I did a lot of crying and then i made it my one and only goal to not stay this way long and found myself a new job within two weeks. And I bought a house, which is another goal I didn’t think I would ever realistically figure out.
But at the same time, I sometimes look at my life in the present and think that I accomplished nothing. That I am 25 and what am I even doing? I know that isn’t true, and I know I am “doing” lots of things, but one thing I dislike about myself is what I feel is a lack of ambition to try anything new.
I don’t think I am necessarily alone in this feeling, but when I see something that I would like to be able to do, I immediately think about how long it may take, the steps and learning it would take to get there, and I throw in the towel before I even start. And I am not proud of that mentality. Maybe I’d like to try rock climbing or weaving or a blog that has substance and an interested following. I have a laundry list of things I want to try and things I would like to achieve, but I am part stubborn and part lazy and overall it keeps me stuck.
I’d love to know how to get out of this rut. How to be a person who is driven and motivated and not afraid to just give something a try. But I often think that at 25 I am set in my ways. And then I think YOU ARE ONLY 25 YOU HAVE FOREVER TO CHANGE AND GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO and it gives me hope.
It reminds that I don’t have to achieve everything in my life all at once and all right now. I am much younger than I let myself believe I am. And I am exactly where I should be give or take a few accomplishments. Rome wasn’t built in a day as they say and if I keep pushing myself just a little bit more each day towards the person I’d like to be, I don’t think I will have anything to worry about except the curveballs.
July 23?!??!? Already!? When did THAT happen? July has been a good month so far.
There hasn’t been much going on, the last few days. But I suppose that can be good. We come and go from work, finalized and ordered our save the dates in between marathoning Six Feet Under. Rilo has become obsessed with me and sleeps on or beside me any chance she gets. And we’ve been, as you know, decorating and redecorating slowly but surely.
But these are good days. It is hot and disgusting outside but I’ve felt worse. The way summer feels here is always a little nostalgic for me since I first moved here during the summer. It’s a comfortable feeling, one that I don’t mind sticking with me as long as live here. Even if I am mostly sticky and frizzy while feeling it.
Things will probably stay pretty low key for the remainder of the summer. There are talks of a “grill off kill off” between friends and one last trip to the beach house. Every summer I say I am going to go there more and then I remember that it is 6 hours total in a car to do so and I only go a few times. Oh well. But so long as we have a few more cook outs, I will be satisfied with summer 2k14. We’ll probably spend another entire paychecks worth of money on house stuff before summer comes to a close. I think I had 4 cheeseburgers last week alone. I am going to fit into my wedding dress. It’s fine.
Why can’t all year long be as carefree and endless as the days of summer? Let’s keep that mentality going 365. I think that covers it. Time to go to the dentist -__-